When certain people are around....
Avoid talking about cars, especially American ones.
Avoid playing all music except for the occasional Gypsy Kings cd.
Do not hum too too much.
Burn only logs with treated chemicals so that the flames burn evenly.
Spray mango dog deodorant all over the dog no more than 1 hour prior to certain arrivals.
Make sure that all food served in a certain house comes from a package, with the exception of lettuce.
Take any existing children away from the house for long, pleasurable walks in the woods. Make sure to include looking at and talking about fresh animal tracks in the snow, and allowing peeing behind uncreaking trees. Do not feel bad about saying No to requests to play another round of video games.
Dance with others including children when an unmentionable, non-Gypsy Kings cd accidentally gets played.
Revel in the fact that cleaning burnt stains off of the stove top *is* sometimes better than going skiing with certain people.
Lace certain visitors' coffees with more sugar than requested. Hope and fear that it might eventually damage a liver or spleen.
Try to understand the plight of a person, different than yourself, who talks 90% of the time about buying pretty items.
Express sympathy for the person who suggests that living with large furry animals might hamper one's career.
Refrain from gloating about having a summer that wore you out because you were having too much fun. Realize that this person would not know what you were talking about.
Mentioning a nearby town that has 85 lakes in it does not mean that those lakes are better than someone's single (large) lake.
Wait for the shoe to drop on your cheap wine.
Expect for the sun to shine.
Ask for a valentine.
Receive instead a porcupine.
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