Better than tuna

Every once in a while I catch myself with compromising thoughts. For instance, I was watching the movie with Harrison Ford playing a cop who went to an Amish community ..and had something to do like hide from his fellow officers. I know there were beards without mustaches. Plain was the theme. And barn building only took a day. As I watched this delightful film I became more and more Amish in my desire to be Amish. I did not realize this at the time, of course. I was just enjoying a film. But at some point toward the end I came back to the living room where I sat, noticed the empty Milky Way wrapper and cold cup of tea next to me and recognized that I was in the living room with my accoutrements. I was not actually pulling flour out of wooden drawers to make the infamous Amish treat kerspliegendoilen. The shock probably lasted longer than a breath, but long enough for me to acknowledge it.

Years later, along comes along my computer. It has all kinds of nifty features that let me watch TV shows downloaded from iTunes. Say I get holed up at work. Say I have to spend a dull weekend reading font requirements, looking over forms asking if research will involve Agnatha (Hagfish! Lamprey! The form explains to me, not the blonde singer in ABBA). I know every page has to be numbered. I know that 12 people have not given me all of their forms. I think to myself, paper shuffle? Or music shuffle?

I go to iTunes and download a delightful terrorist network show called Sleeper Cell, and watch it on my computer, on my lunch break. It is actually muuuch better than the 24, a show critics have apparently compared to Sleeper Cell. Yes, they had barns in this show too, but they also had dogs. And Muslim terrorists in LA. The head leader, who I think was a friend of Osama bin Laden (in the show. I cannot claim to know this man’s life outside of work), tells this Mexican drug lord guy who owns a dog race track, something to this effect: “The prophet, may his name be blessed, says there are no dogs in Heaven.” Don’t quote me on that because it was probably something like, blah blah blah Heaven blah blah NO DOGS blah. This startled me. For half of that breath I shook my head and realized that there was, therefore, no way I was going to become a Muslim. Which startled me all over again. I have no interest in becoming Muslim just like I had no intention of becoming both Harrison Ford and an Amish barn builder, but I keep finding myself pretending these far out scenarios.



Better not start watching Flipper, I guess.